I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
