I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
