planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
