Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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