shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
