During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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