I can tuck mytits in my pants
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
