Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
