Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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