does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
And then he peed in my hair
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