...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
