...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
