i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
