right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
