he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
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I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
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You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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