We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
