Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
