I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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