My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
