Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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