Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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