Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
