I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Holy sore nipples Batman
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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