I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
