I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Someone shit on the floor
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize