so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
