Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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