How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
