It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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