hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
