I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize