i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
