if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
