I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
