I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
