We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Randomize
