I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
