Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
