the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
what day is it and did you see me today?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
