the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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