He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
