Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
