omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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