Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize