I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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