they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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