We won't sleep together?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
