I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
