happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
