I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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