I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
