My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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