This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
