i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
now i know why i became what i already was.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
