I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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