dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
two words: eviction party
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
