That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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