My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
