Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i think i have two assholes
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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