Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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