He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
