I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
