So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
