girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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