i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
