Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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