I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
