im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
