Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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