Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize