Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
