I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
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Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
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