Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
only you would photoshop your dick
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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